This empty bedroom won't make anything right

If I am lost for a day; try to find me
But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me
All of the things that I thought were so easy
Just got harder and harder each day

I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky
And said whoever is up there,please don't let me die

But I can't live forever,I can't always be
One day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea
The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross
And I'll laugh about all that we've lost

What if?

What if this doesn't work out?
What if i cant find a job?
What if I can't do anything with this degree?
What if?

Why do i seem to put my life on hold once I'm in the UK?
It's something.. something that seems to make me less like that me at home.
It brings out the part of me that I haven't got to know as well.
And it's nice sometimes, getting in touch with this more mellow and disconcerted part of my soul.

But over here, I care less.
Care less about everything and just experience the moment.
The snow falling on my face, crunching on my soles, patting it off my coat... those little moments are nice. Ephemeral but calming.

Resolutions

I shall focus on changing/adding good habits to my lifestyle this year and some bigger ones that require more discpline

1. watch one TED talk everyday
2. make your bed
3. take love less seriously
4. have an apple a day
5. learn learn learn! read read read!
6. still, suck it up
7. be more comfortable in your own skin
8. care less about things that burdens you
9. watch as many movies from IMDB's top 250
10. read at least one book (not academic) a month

hey, old jingyi. i miss you.
your tenacity. your confidence. your devil may care attitude.
i miss that.