A new year is coming again.. wow, time flies?
So last year, my resolutions were pretty dumb lol.
"Here's my resolutions for 2012
1. Think more with your mind, not your heart.. because sofar, your heart has shown to make bad choices.
2. Exercise more. Please at least go back to your original fatty weight and not your fatass weight now.
3. Don't harp on what you lack, instead remember and be thankful for all that you have.
4. STUDY HARDER!
5. Make more effort to look after your body... eat and drink better!
6. Maybe blog a little more?
7. Don't dwell on things. Just suck it up and move on."
i think i kept to 3 pretty well this year. 4.. not so much haha. but i think i've developed a new outlook when it comes to studying, that is i want to study when i truly enjoy it - making it more about learning than about blindly studying.
as for 5, i kept to it sometimes, more so when i'm in the UK la. i'm way too forgetful though, i can just forget about eating vegetables completely.
1.. completely didn't keep to it for the first half of the year. yup, once again, my heart has shown itself to make pretty bad choices. but i did learn from them, and what scares me now is that i'm more reluctant when it comes to matters of the heart. i'm being an escapist.
sucking it up was a good motto you know. funny how i just lost it along the way.
why does it seem like as i grow older, i lose my discipline, or whatever that's left of it. maybe the chaos of this universe or reality makes me want to just go with its messiness and whatever it throws at me. i don't want to be systematic, i don't want to be structured. right now, i feel like a blob of fuzziness. right now, i feel like i don't make sense. what i'm saying doesn't seem to make sense either.
new resolutions... i'll come up with them :)
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Falling in love
I've never felt like this in my life.
Never ever before.
I'm frightened of relationships.
I seem to only realize how stifling and controlling it can be, or how i let it control me. How i end up obsessing over really stupid things.
I feel like i can breathe again.
Never ever before.
I'm frightened of relationships.
I seem to only realize how stifling and controlling it can be, or how i let it control me. How i end up obsessing over really stupid things.
I feel like i can breathe again.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Dreams
Right now, at this point in time, what's your dream?
List 5.
1. I want to work in heritage. I want to start from home, and do something at home. I want to contribute in some way.
2. I want to learn, learn about all the things that I have been avoiding.. about politics, about history, about facts, half-facts, about perspectives.
3. Moving away from the development of le mind... I want to travel. I will travel, at least once every year. Properly.
4. I want to learn how to play the guitar!
5. I keep saying I want to do a masters... I'm not too sure yet though but it would be an awfully useful piece of paper to have HAHA okay i kid, i mean the specialization would be very very helpful. My dream, to have a specialization. Conservation is in the books now.. but academia... SEA academia eh. Haven't dipped my feet in that arena yet.
List 5.
1. I want to work in heritage. I want to start from home, and do something at home. I want to contribute in some way.
2. I want to learn, learn about all the things that I have been avoiding.. about politics, about history, about facts, half-facts, about perspectives.
3. Moving away from the development of le mind... I want to travel. I will travel, at least once every year. Properly.
4. I want to learn how to play the guitar!
5. I keep saying I want to do a masters... I'm not too sure yet though but it would be an awfully useful piece of paper to have HAHA okay i kid, i mean the specialization would be very very helpful. My dream, to have a specialization. Conservation is in the books now.. but academia... SEA academia eh. Haven't dipped my feet in that arena yet.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Education
I do read articles here and there, whenever I can, about the situation back home. I've come to rely less on state owned media outlets and more on blogs like Diary of a Singaporean Mind (my fav blog on local issues!). Every time I do so, I feel dismayed and unjust. I feel like the government is not looking after us. Isn't that what they are there for? To create the system that would aid us in our development, to help us grow. I'm not saying that this shirks the responsibilities that every individual has, but that they are vital in guiding us along.
And then when I read about situations outside of home, and I remind myself to be thankful. Thankful that I've had the opportunity to study, that I live in a safe haven like Singapore. That i shouldn't be complaining.
But am i complaining? Am i really? I love my home, no doubt about that. I gush with pride whenever I talk about home, about all the things i've just said I'm thankful for. And now I realize, I'm not complaining. I'm worried.
When I first started giving tuition at 19, I went with the books. The usual routine was to power through countless questions in that short time given. It wasn't learning. It was really just mindless studying.
When I went home for the summer holidays, I took a new kid under my wing. It was about the money, but with each lesson, I realized the way I tutored changed. I didn't like how she blindly forced herself to memorize theories without really understanding them. She just knew how to answer questions, and she insisted that i teach her HOW TO answer questions from the books. As long as you could spew out the right answers, that's fine. Who cares if at the end of the day you really understand the topic or not. She's an awesome kid. Very smart and extremely hardworking. But she knew little about the world, and at that age, with that kind of teenage drive.. that's the best time to learn.
So I tried to talk about issues with her at every class. My own general knowledge is pretty poor so i just started from what I knew. We talked about history, current local issues, social issues, pop culture, we learned about new things and issues through media platforms like youtube, etc. and we did research and essays on some of these things.
At every lesson, I kept reminding her that there's more to learning than what's set by the system. You can answer every exam question right, but still know nothing. That's not how learning should be.
That's not how our system should be.
I'm definitely going home to Singapore, and I honestly want to start a family there. Private schools are crazily expensive, but public schools are crazily stressful. It's a dilemma. If i do enroll them in a public school, I'll make sure that they LEARN at home and STUDY in school hahaha! Yes, my kids will be cultural and heritage enthusiasts who watch TED TALKS everyday :x right, enough daydreaming.
And then when I read about situations outside of home, and I remind myself to be thankful. Thankful that I've had the opportunity to study, that I live in a safe haven like Singapore. That i shouldn't be complaining.
But am i complaining? Am i really? I love my home, no doubt about that. I gush with pride whenever I talk about home, about all the things i've just said I'm thankful for. And now I realize, I'm not complaining. I'm worried.
When I first started giving tuition at 19, I went with the books. The usual routine was to power through countless questions in that short time given. It wasn't learning. It was really just mindless studying.
When I went home for the summer holidays, I took a new kid under my wing. It was about the money, but with each lesson, I realized the way I tutored changed. I didn't like how she blindly forced herself to memorize theories without really understanding them. She just knew how to answer questions, and she insisted that i teach her HOW TO answer questions from the books. As long as you could spew out the right answers, that's fine. Who cares if at the end of the day you really understand the topic or not. She's an awesome kid. Very smart and extremely hardworking. But she knew little about the world, and at that age, with that kind of teenage drive.. that's the best time to learn.
So I tried to talk about issues with her at every class. My own general knowledge is pretty poor so i just started from what I knew. We talked about history, current local issues, social issues, pop culture, we learned about new things and issues through media platforms like youtube, etc. and we did research and essays on some of these things.
At every lesson, I kept reminding her that there's more to learning than what's set by the system. You can answer every exam question right, but still know nothing. That's not how learning should be.
That's not how our system should be.
I'm definitely going home to Singapore, and I honestly want to start a family there. Private schools are crazily expensive, but public schools are crazily stressful. It's a dilemma. If i do enroll them in a public school, I'll make sure that they LEARN at home and STUDY in school hahaha! Yes, my kids will be cultural and heritage enthusiasts who watch TED TALKS everyday :x right, enough daydreaming.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Chinchorro Mummies
One good thing about studying in the UK (with a plus point that it's Durham Uni), we get quite a few well-known academics visiting over the years, giving presentations on their latest research. I went for a talk by Dr Paul Bahn this afternoon. I can say that I'm not a very good student. I don't really remember names of people, much less that of academics. But what I do remember are the people who wrote books listed on my reading list lol, and Dr Bahn is one of them.
So when I saw his name, I knew that I had to go for this talk. Yes, I'm very naive. Whoever writes a book that my department requires me to read must be someone I have to meet :P His talk was about the Atacama desert, focusing on the amazing mummies found along the coast (probably the first evidence of mummification in human prehistory) and geoglyphs.
The Atacama Desert is found in Northern Chile and is the second driest region on Earth. Rainfall is rare in the desert, with some parts not having rained for 400 years. The aridity of the place creates perfect mummification conditions - many naturally dessicated mummies have been found across the area, in addition to those created by human hands.
Chinchorro Mummies
Whenever I think of mummies, the Egyptians and Incas will always spring to mind. I remember ogling at pictures of Inca mummies in books, amazed at the state of natural preservation that even hair survived.. and this technological culture of mummifying the dead in the Old World goes beyond the time of the Incas.
The Chinchorro Mummies are the oldest examples of artificially mummified remains, even older than those found in Egypt. How much older? At least 2000 years! The people responsible for them were hunter-gatherers, probably fishers, from the Chinchorro culture who occupied the coast of Northern Chile. They were about this task by first, pulling back the skin and defleshing the body and removing any internal organs, solely leaving the bones. After, they would pad up the body with twigs, drieed plants, clay etc. and then the skin would be pulled back down over the recreated "flesh".. like a sleeve! Any damage/holes in the skin suit would be covered with seal skin. The body was then covered with ash paste and painted in manganese, giving it a black shine. Clay masks with simple features were made and this replaced the face of the individual. Helmets of 'hair' was also placed on the bodies, which were then painted, probably with stripes, and wrapped in a woven netting of perhaps grass.
It is not known exactly how this practice came about nor why it came to be.. perhaps they found naturally dessicated bodies and wanted to emulate them? But it is likely that they were a culture that saw the dead as a important link to the Gods.. leading to the preservation of every single individual, even stillborn and children, who are usually not given the same treatment in such symbolic rituals as adults. Thus, there was no discrimination in this process - every individual was treated the same, whether it was a male, female, adult or child.
Information gotten from:
1. http://www.archaeology.org/online/features/chinchorro/index.html
So when I saw his name, I knew that I had to go for this talk. Yes, I'm very naive. Whoever writes a book that my department requires me to read must be someone I have to meet :P His talk was about the Atacama desert, focusing on the amazing mummies found along the coast (probably the first evidence of mummification in human prehistory) and geoglyphs.The Atacama Desert is found in Northern Chile and is the second driest region on Earth. Rainfall is rare in the desert, with some parts not having rained for 400 years. The aridity of the place creates perfect mummification conditions - many naturally dessicated mummies have been found across the area, in addition to those created by human hands.
Chinchorro Mummies
Whenever I think of mummies, the Egyptians and Incas will always spring to mind. I remember ogling at pictures of Inca mummies in books, amazed at the state of natural preservation that even hair survived.. and this technological culture of mummifying the dead in the Old World goes beyond the time of the Incas.
 |
| http://www.localeyesguides.com/images/gallery/Chile/Chinchorro_mummy.jpg |
The Chinchorro Mummies are the oldest examples of artificially mummified remains, even older than those found in Egypt. How much older? At least 2000 years! The people responsible for them were hunter-gatherers, probably fishers, from the Chinchorro culture who occupied the coast of Northern Chile. They were about this task by first, pulling back the skin and defleshing the body and removing any internal organs, solely leaving the bones. After, they would pad up the body with twigs, drieed plants, clay etc. and then the skin would be pulled back down over the recreated "flesh".. like a sleeve! Any damage/holes in the skin suit would be covered with seal skin. The body was then covered with ash paste and painted in manganese, giving it a black shine. Clay masks with simple features were made and this replaced the face of the individual. Helmets of 'hair' was also placed on the bodies, which were then painted, probably with stripes, and wrapped in a woven netting of perhaps grass.
 | |||
| So well preserved that you even have nails http://www.archaeology.org/online/features/chinchorro/jpegs/chinchorro2.jpeg |
Information gotten from:
1. http://www.archaeology.org/online/features/chinchorro/index.html
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Be the change
I admit, I'm a very ill-disciplined person. Not in the past, but then i was way too stubborn for my own good, and looking back, I question the morality I had.
When I was in junior college, I signed up for a Overseas Learning Expedition to Chiang Rai. We were going to teach English to village children for 2 weeks. In the midst of preparations, our mentors planned many activities. I never understood or I chose not to reflect on the activities, but now when I look back, I'm really HORRIFIED at 17 year old me.
One of the activities was going to Little India on Deepavali for an 'Amazing Race' excursion. I felt EXTREMELY uncomfortable among the throngs of migrant workers. I'm not sugar coating it, because at that time, I admit I had a preconceived notion about them. If I sat down to dig further, to try and understand why I didn't like them... I'll honestly tell you that, I don't know the real reason why except that I was always told that they are 'bad' or 'dirty' or I was exposed to them in a way that put them in a negative light.
After our Amazing Race, we sat down in a playground to reflect. I remember saying this, 'I felt really uncomfortable, like I was A STAR IN THE NIGHT SKY.' Omg. I. DON'T. EVEN. JIGGY. WHYYYY. Yes, loss of faith in my own humanity.
It took a lot of different experiences to change that kind of discriminant mentality I had. I wasn't even outrightly aware of having such a conscience, but now, as I look back.... wow, I'm ashamed.
Another thing of relation is what happens throughout my stay here in the UK. This time it makes me think about how I view the other group of migrants in our country - the Mainland Chinese. This is the issue of being recognized as a 'Mainland Chinese'. It invokes annoyance in me actually, as with most of my other fellow Singaporeans. I'm always like 'WTF I AM NOT FROM CHINA!' despite my love for Chinese history and culture.
But why though?
1. Because there's so many of them in Singapore that I'm sick of seeing more foreigners than Singaporeans
2. Some individuals have horrible habits/personalities... but then, some Singaporeans have them too, so why do the Chinese get more shit for it?
3. More competition and stress brought about by their existence in our system.. not like we aren't stressed out enough.
4. A dilution of our identity?
What else?
Looking at this... I don't like them not because they are Chinese.. more for the situation they are in, and for how their present situation is affecting us. If I did sat down and get to know a handful of them, I would probably say that well, actually there are individuals I do like, and then there are those I don't. It'll probably be the same if i sat down with a handful of Singaporeans.
I feel like I'm being racist. Okay, not exactly.. perhaps a 'Nationalist'? I got to remember that they are there because our political system gave them the opportunity to be there, and honestly, if i was in their shoes, I'll do the same. Hell yeah, awesome opportunity... who would say no?
So the point is...
If you were in their shoes, would you do the same?
Getting off my moral high horse, yes, i honestly think I would.
A little less hate everyday.
When I was in junior college, I signed up for a Overseas Learning Expedition to Chiang Rai. We were going to teach English to village children for 2 weeks. In the midst of preparations, our mentors planned many activities. I never understood or I chose not to reflect on the activities, but now when I look back, I'm really HORRIFIED at 17 year old me.
One of the activities was going to Little India on Deepavali for an 'Amazing Race' excursion. I felt EXTREMELY uncomfortable among the throngs of migrant workers. I'm not sugar coating it, because at that time, I admit I had a preconceived notion about them. If I sat down to dig further, to try and understand why I didn't like them... I'll honestly tell you that, I don't know the real reason why except that I was always told that they are 'bad' or 'dirty' or I was exposed to them in a way that put them in a negative light.
After our Amazing Race, we sat down in a playground to reflect. I remember saying this, 'I felt really uncomfortable, like I was A STAR IN THE NIGHT SKY.' Omg. I. DON'T. EVEN. JIGGY. WHYYYY. Yes, loss of faith in my own humanity.
It took a lot of different experiences to change that kind of discriminant mentality I had. I wasn't even outrightly aware of having such a conscience, but now, as I look back.... wow, I'm ashamed.
Another thing of relation is what happens throughout my stay here in the UK. This time it makes me think about how I view the other group of migrants in our country - the Mainland Chinese. This is the issue of being recognized as a 'Mainland Chinese'. It invokes annoyance in me actually, as with most of my other fellow Singaporeans. I'm always like 'WTF I AM NOT FROM CHINA!' despite my love for Chinese history and culture.
But why though?
1. Because there's so many of them in Singapore that I'm sick of seeing more foreigners than Singaporeans
2. Some individuals have horrible habits/personalities... but then, some Singaporeans have them too, so why do the Chinese get more shit for it?
3. More competition and stress brought about by their existence in our system.. not like we aren't stressed out enough.
4. A dilution of our identity?
What else?
Looking at this... I don't like them not because they are Chinese.. more for the situation they are in, and for how their present situation is affecting us. If I did sat down and get to know a handful of them, I would probably say that well, actually there are individuals I do like, and then there are those I don't. It'll probably be the same if i sat down with a handful of Singaporeans.
I feel like I'm being racist. Okay, not exactly.. perhaps a 'Nationalist'? I got to remember that they are there because our political system gave them the opportunity to be there, and honestly, if i was in their shoes, I'll do the same. Hell yeah, awesome opportunity... who would say no?
So the point is...
If you were in their shoes, would you do the same?
Getting off my moral high horse, yes, i honestly think I would.
A little less hate everyday.
Monday, November 5, 2012
The Man on the road
Before coming back to the UK, i spent a lot of time with my mom. We always wandered around, looking for good things to eat. On this particular day, we were at Chinatown (again). After having lunch at Amoy Street Food Centre (which was quite deserted), we stopped off at the area where my grandmother used to live. She bought random buns from this newly opened chic looking bakery, and after that we bought some soup packs for me to bring here.
I remember chit chatting with the lady boss, taking her advice on which brand to buy, politely declining her promotional efforts to get more of other products. I remember watching her colleagues pick out chinese herbs, reaching into those little cupboards behind the counter, grabbing a handful of this, a handful of that.. placing them on the traditional chinese scale and then packing them in paper. I remember the smell.. a light, salty flowery scent. I don't know how to describe the smell of herbs. It was good though.
I think we ran out of things to look at cus most of the neighbourhood was under development, so we hopped on the car back home. Once turning out of the car park, we found ourselves amid throngs of cars.
That was when I saw him.
He was working. I don't remember what he looked like except he had long curly hair under his safety helmet. He stood on the side of the road, grasping a traffic sign, directing the slow moving traffic while his colleagues carried out roadworks behind the barrier. He had a really bright smile as he waved cars along. His friend beside him didn't seem too thrilled like him.
Something about his smile made me happy. It was so infectious, that smile. He caught my eye and I gave him a bright grin, with a happy wave thrown in. I'm not sure if anyone else had done the same thing since he was there, but he returned my gesture with an even brighter smile. Our car was still in the wait, so I didn't know where else to look after our exchange. It was a funny awkward situation. I think he felt the same.
The light turned green. My mom put the car into gear and we slowly started moving. We both looked at each other, at the same time and probably for the last time, and smiled while waving goodbye.
He made my day.
I remember chit chatting with the lady boss, taking her advice on which brand to buy, politely declining her promotional efforts to get more of other products. I remember watching her colleagues pick out chinese herbs, reaching into those little cupboards behind the counter, grabbing a handful of this, a handful of that.. placing them on the traditional chinese scale and then packing them in paper. I remember the smell.. a light, salty flowery scent. I don't know how to describe the smell of herbs. It was good though.
I think we ran out of things to look at cus most of the neighbourhood was under development, so we hopped on the car back home. Once turning out of the car park, we found ourselves amid throngs of cars.
That was when I saw him.
He was working. I don't remember what he looked like except he had long curly hair under his safety helmet. He stood on the side of the road, grasping a traffic sign, directing the slow moving traffic while his colleagues carried out roadworks behind the barrier. He had a really bright smile as he waved cars along. His friend beside him didn't seem too thrilled like him.
Something about his smile made me happy. It was so infectious, that smile. He caught my eye and I gave him a bright grin, with a happy wave thrown in. I'm not sure if anyone else had done the same thing since he was there, but he returned my gesture with an even brighter smile. Our car was still in the wait, so I didn't know where else to look after our exchange. It was a funny awkward situation. I think he felt the same.
The light turned green. My mom put the car into gear and we slowly started moving. We both looked at each other, at the same time and probably for the last time, and smiled while waving goodbye.
He made my day.
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