Juice Fast: Yay or Nay?

So I've been contemplating on going on a juice fast recently as a sort of master cleanse to get rid of the crap in my body. God knows I've not been eating well AT ALL. Your body is your temple... and well, my body is now a dumpster. Sorry body, I really ought to treat you better.

Anyhow, so aside from my lack of self-discipline and control... I really do have everything I need.

1) A Blender
I should use a juicer, but I'm a poor student who has to rely on her ex boyfriend's portable blender. Making do!

2) Fruits
Now that I'm back in the UK, it's way easier to watch what I eat. That's a huge issue back home, considering my auntie consistently and diligently worries about whether I've eaten and buys me my favourite (unhealthy) food even when I don't ask. It's like, I want to cook or use the kitchen but it feels weird since it's technically her territory. Okay, excuses i know! Anyhow, I just bought a bag of carrots and apples :D My favourite juice combi!

I'm actually having a cup of apple+carrot juice right now, but it's pretty weird because it's more... mush than juice. I added water to it to make it more 'drinkable' but this is totally not the kinda stuff I had at home. Man, I miss my juicer.

Right, so I'm considering embarking on my virgin cleanse starting tomorrow. I haven't bought all the fruits and vegetables I'll be using. Might be good cause it gives me an excuse to head out to the supermarket (my favourite place!) and also to get some sun and fresh air. I'm a total kermit. No need to go out? Hell yeah, I'm staying in.

I've read quite a few articles about it to know what to expect, but I'm not sure if i've gone the ten miles to really educate myself on this.... but we'll see how it goes. Best way to learn is to try it for yourself, eh?

Day 1 starts tomorrow. Or maybe the day after. Or the day day day after.

See, I'm a big ass procrastinator (literally big assed)

I don't know whether it's a biological problem.. or just a mental/emotional thing.

I can't seem to concentrate and my brain always feels shrouded, like it's caught in a net. I don't know what's wrong. I feel weird. Weird as hell. It's been awhile.

This empty bedroom won't make anything right

If I am lost for a day; try to find me
But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me
All of the things that I thought were so easy
Just got harder and harder each day

I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky
And said whoever is up there,please don't let me die

But I can't live forever,I can't always be
One day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea
The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross
And I'll laugh about all that we've lost

What if?

What if this doesn't work out?
What if i cant find a job?
What if I can't do anything with this degree?
What if?

Why do i seem to put my life on hold once I'm in the UK?
It's something.. something that seems to make me less like that me at home.
It brings out the part of me that I haven't got to know as well.
And it's nice sometimes, getting in touch with this more mellow and disconcerted part of my soul.

But over here, I care less.
Care less about everything and just experience the moment.
The snow falling on my face, crunching on my soles, patting it off my coat... those little moments are nice. Ephemeral but calming.

Resolutions

I shall focus on changing/adding good habits to my lifestyle this year and some bigger ones that require more discpline

1. watch one TED talk everyday
2. make your bed
3. take love less seriously
4. have an apple a day
5. learn learn learn! read read read!
6. still, suck it up
7. be more comfortable in your own skin
8. care less about things that burdens you
9. watch as many movies from IMDB's top 250
10. read at least one book (not academic) a month

hey, old jingyi. i miss you.
your tenacity. your confidence. your devil may care attitude.
i miss that.

2013

A new year is coming again.. wow, time flies?

So last year, my resolutions were pretty dumb lol.
"Here's my resolutions for 2012
1. Think more with your mind, not your heart.. because sofar, your heart has shown to make bad choices.
2. Exercise more. Please at least go back to your original fatty weight and not your fatass weight now.
3. Don't harp on what you lack, instead remember and be thankful for all that you have.
4. STUDY HARDER!
5. Make more effort to look after your body... eat and drink better!
6. Maybe blog a little more?
7. Don't dwell on things. Just suck it up and move on."

i think i kept to 3 pretty well this year. 4.. not so much haha. but i think i've developed a new outlook when it comes to studying, that is i want to study when i truly enjoy it - making it more about learning than about blindly studying.

as for 5, i kept to it sometimes, more so when i'm in the UK la. i'm way too forgetful though, i can just forget about eating vegetables completely.

1.. completely didn't keep to it for the first half of the year. yup, once again, my heart has shown itself to make pretty bad choices. but i did learn from them, and what scares me now is that i'm more reluctant when it comes to matters of the heart. i'm being an escapist.

sucking it up was a good motto you know. funny how i just lost it along the way.

why does it seem like as i grow older, i lose my discipline, or whatever that's left of it. maybe the chaos of this universe or reality makes me want to just go with its messiness and whatever it throws at me. i don't want to be systematic, i don't want to be structured. right now, i feel like a blob of fuzziness. right now, i feel like i don't make sense. what i'm saying doesn't seem to make sense either.

new resolutions... i'll come up with them :)