Rambles

I'm a hermit. Guilty as charged.

In the past, I couldn't come to terms with that... because being a hermit seemed like a social no-no and even as I enjoyed my times at home just lazing around, I felt guilty. Like I wasn't making much of my life. But y'know... who cares what the world thinks, right? I love being at home :) spending time with my dogs and watching random shows... I find it therapeutic.

Anyhow, I thought I'd take a short break since the past few weeks have been crazily busy, with a lot of trips down to GUI to work on our game, and bouts of volunteering and exploring here and there with the Adam Park Project. I thought it's best that I spend some time at home before I leave next friday :( so Monday & Tuesday were spent in the comforting walls of home :D

But I do get sick of being confined within these walls.. so this afternoon saw me making a random trip down to Kranji War Memorial. It doesn't seem like I'm doing much justice to these heritage and historical relics/memorials in Singapore despite all my talk about wanting to preserve/conserve them, and what's worse is that I've been to so many such memorials abroad =____= starting to pay more attention/focus on local sites now :D it's a start!

Shall do a proper post some time later about my visit, and I actually have a whole back log of posts that I need to do but just lack the discipline. Really need to get my blogging habit back on!!! Not only just blogging, blogging properly and decently! I remember how i used to put in 110% effort into every single post... jiggy, get that groove back on!!  

I love to sleep

When you do something and it doesn't feel forced, it doesn't feel like a chore, then continue doing it.. it'll make you a happier person.

That's how going to GUI feels like. That's how going to work as a facilitator feels like.

I sleep a lot. I don't have mornings. I'm more of a night owl than a morning lark (i googled this lol). Always sleeping in till 11am/12pm, waking up before 11am is early for me. So when i didn't mind "sacrificing" sleep for these things... then they are things I really enjoy doing.

In this short span of time, I've come to love GUI. I always find the place very friendly and I feel at peace whenever I'm there. It's not just the physical space though, I love what it stands for & the community that comes together feels like a family.. it's lovely to be part of something.

Dear Singapore

"Dear Singapore,

I never knew you until I was given the opportunity to be away from you for a while.

No, actually. I never knew me until I was given the opportunity to be away from you for a while.

Something you do makes us not have the time, space and desire to get to know ourselves.

Maybe there is a known reason for that. Maybe economical, maybe political, maybe just because. Maybe you are a small nation in a unique situation as you have always wanted us to know you as.

Now that I think I know myself a little better. Maybe I know you a little better too.

Maybe now you can count on me to stand up for you a little more."


When I do sit down and ponder over how I've changed over the last 2 years... I can say I understand myself a lot better. Right now, I feel more like an individual than one of "us". I have ambitions and dreams bigger than what my home wants me to be. A part of me feels like a rebellious little kid, going against the odds. But what are the odds? Should I base them on a local standard or a global one? Because when I look at myself as a citizen of the human race, I feel that what I've chosen right now is the most natural thing.

I did take the path laid out for us. I studied hard (& played hard) in secondary school. I went to junior college because it upped my chance of getting into a local university. I got into a local university and slogged that period of my life away. I never studied so hard in my life before. I went through A levels, so i thought i would be prepared for the amount of work dumped on us as soon as we stepped into uni. But it was honestly crazy.

I studied at least 10 hours a day, some times even more. I went to my neighbourhood Starbucks every day, stayed till 9pm and went home with an exhausted mind. It felt like I was on auto-pilot. I didn't really felt like I was learning anything.. just blindly studying. Is this what learning should feel like?

I chose to major in Communications & New Media because it seemed like it would bring me better prospects when i graduated. I love history, but it obviously wouldn't land me a job with BIG BUCKS. But at the end of semester 1.. i didn't see a light at the end of my undergraduate life. I just saw myself doing something I wasn't even good at, something that I was hardly passionate about.

I didn't want a job that depended solely on my skills. I wanted to fuel it with burning passion as well.

And right now, I'm on my way there. I'm still scared, but fear is in the eye of the beholder. I'm fighting my way to the top. It's not only about a career anymore. It's about living a fulfilling life. 

Do I really want to be here?

Before I went to the UK, i told myself... keep your options open! Don't make coming back home something definite.

But lots of shit happened there, all because of my own choices, and I've never been really happy when I'm in the UK. I'm emotionally driven. I get attached to people, and it's been very hard being away from home. You do get the hang of it, you do get numb, but I've been homesick for most parts of it and even if home is a place as stifling as it is... home is where people i love are, and because of that, I made the decision to come back home once I'm done.

No matter how much I loved the pace and bustle of Europe, I still needed the love and physical contact of all my favourite faces. I enjoy traveling. I love the little alleys of my favourite cities. I loved getting lost and finding my way around. I loved discovering and exploring.

But throughout all the adventures, I missed my family so much. Even in my second year, I cried A LOT (partly because I got my heart broken HAHA). I've had so many people tell me that I can always make new friends.. you can, but soul mates like mine are hard to come by. All these people aren't just friends anymore, they are family.

& they are the main reason (maybe even the only reason) why I'm coming back.

Conversations with my dad

Every time we talk, he'll either
1. tell me how awesome the iPhone is
2. ask me what I'm gonna do after i graduate
3. ask me how much money I can earn with my degree
4. tell me that if all else fails, i can always sign on with the police force or be a teacher because they have "iron rice bowls"
5. i could still be a piano teacher!
6. how lucky i am that i got to pursue my dream

It frustrates me that every point above is related to money.

I understand that his generation had it the hardest. They grew up amidst Singapore's rise as a nation, as it started throwing words like "meritocracy" around, as it started progressing and making itself stand out from all the other SEA countries.

My dad's education ended at sec 3. My mom graduated with an O level cert. All they both knew was that they had to make money. Without money, they are nothing.

And it pains me to see them so stuck in their ways because of how our system is, how the country made them BELIEVE that only the smartest/most superficially beautiful people can succeed. My grandpa used to be a MP. He contributed as much as he could & he could relate to the community but in the end, he got let go because he couldn't speak English. How does that make sense?

If at the end of the day, I'm able to earn a fat paycheck, pay my taxes, abide by every single law, not talk back and just accept everything that the system says, am i the ideal citizen?

But at the end of the day, I don't want to be a pawn, a machine, a game piece in this crazy competition that is sucking the soul out of Singapore. I don't want to have a job I don't love, doing something that guarantees me a roof over my head and food on the table but takes away my identity. I don't want to be A Office Lady, A Banker, A Lawyer, A Money Maker. I don't want my job to be the only thing that defines me.
 

Ground Up Initiative

A couple of weeks ago, I popped by Bottle Tree Park with Haopei to check out this NGO organization we read about on facebook. From their facebook description...

Ground Up Initiative (GUI) is about Forging a beautiful connection with the Earth and the Community. It aims to:
- Foster social and environmental consciousness through programmes and activities that emphasize on living in harmony with the Earth and how to get in touch with ourselves.

- Be a place where values in sustainability and global responsibility can be shared and fostered among all who visit, work and learn. It will serve as a model for Singapore and the developing region.

- Be a showcase of eco-technology and environmentally friendly practices, some of which could be very relevant to making urban Singapore life greener/ more environmentally responsible.

- Be a centre to inspire a re-think of the interaction between the urban dweller and their environment.

- Be a centre for sustainability ideas and concepts incubation.

- Be a centre for training humanitarian expedition teams.

They are currently running several different projects with different objectives and the very first time i went, we got involved with Balik Kampung, which aims to get people in touch with the land and to appreciate nature and understand how much effort is put into producing crops. No, it's not just about FARMING and no, it's not a botanic club :P

We had a bunch of secondary school kids volunteering for their CIP as well, and i guess at that age, you wouldn't fully comprehend or appreciate the thought being such a movement. I mean, when i was 15, i knew the importance of volunteering but i just didn't think of being active. It just seems like a per-requisite, one of the things you have to fulfill to get through the academic system, which is sad. I think there needs to be a balance between work, play and giving back to the community. We should be cultivating people who think with both their hearts and mind. I mean, what are you contributing when all you do is occasionally buy a packet of tissue from elderly folks?

I DIGRESS! (as usual....)

Our Kampung Chief giving a talk

GUI's vision is to build a university where Singaporeans (or everyone actually) can go to pursue their interests in building a better sustainable future for our home. Right now, they've established a sub-unit called the Sustainable Living Lab where people can go to develop their engineering ideas related to sustainability. I was deeply moved when i heard what they were aiming for, and that means... nodding my head profusely like those nodding dogs lol.

Right now, I'm involved in Kampung Play, a project where we build life sized toys from scratch using simple materials.



They'll go on display at Woodlands Civic Centre and we hope that families will enjoy them while fostering strong bonds. Also, it'll get kids away from their little gadgets! This project will be ongoing for 5 months, so if you are interested just drop by on Saturday at 10am :)

So free up the mornings of your weekends to pop by this awesome place to do a bit of poking around! It's more than just farming, it's more than just building things..  it's about building meaningful relationships with our Mother Earth and our community, something that we keep forgetting/neglecting as we get swept up and distracted in Singapore's climb to the top.


GUI's facebook
Bottle Tree Park, Yishun, 81
Lorong Chencharu
Yishun, Singapore 769198

Bzzzzz

Been really busy for the past two weeks! Done with work so I'm getting my hands dirty (FINALLY!) with some mucking around the suburbs (if you can call it that) of Singapore :P I know I said it's meant to be museum week but i think things worked out for the better. There's so much I need to pen down in this space but I'm running out of time! Need to be off for my ukulele class!

It feels great to be doing something I love in my home country and I think I'm really lucky to have met Jon, who is a gem and i think he makes a great mentor. It's sad that I'll be returning to the UK in a month so I'll miss out on 9 months of this awesome project... good thing is that he's sticking around for a couple more years, further exploring other parts of Adam Park and his research will culminate in an exhibition (and his phd papers!). I'm gonna try and help out with the exhibition so that's another project for 2013 :D

Can't wait to graduate!